Dream Hug
Since when is it 'uncool' to hug your kid?
I have seen it time and time again. Parents come to a certain point in their relationship with their children and they accept that the child is too old for hugs and kisses and displays of affection. They heed to the illusion that they should not be seen too close in public with their kids as to not offend their child or have their child be seen as ‘uncool'. But what is it that truly makes us thinks our kids are too old or too cool for hugs and tender moments?
If we want to raise young men and women who are compassionate, wise and loving, we must make an effort to educate them mentally and emotionally. A child who is 9 or 10 is certainly coming into young adulthood for sure, but that does not mean they should go without the tender moments of loving understanding, holding hands and walking down the street with your arm around his shoulder.
Kids this age are often forced by peer pressure and self-esteem issues to decline displays of affections with their parents. In an unseen way, schooling is to blame for this situation. Compulsory school actually seeks to disengage the family unit. It is sneaky with its weapon: unseen forces at work in the guise of coolness and lack thereof.
Your number one concern as a parent should be the family bond. As a mother, step up to the plate and make sure this foundational stepping stone is in place. School will inevitably separate you from your children if you allow it, and with programs like "no child left behind" the sooner they feel this accomplished, the better.
"In our dreams, people yield themselves with perfect docility to our hands… the task before us is very simple… we will organize children.. and teach the to do in a perfect way the things their fathers and mothers are doing in an imperfect way" Occasional Letter Number One from Rockefeller's General Education Board, 1906.
Look into this Board, it's a foundation of our ‘modern' schooling system.
Don't buy into the notion that it's uncool to hug your kid. Look at the environment. To whom is it uncool? Peer pressure only exists in an artificial world where sadly, whole groups of children lack the fundamental sense of self. Therefore they huddle together creating rules of what is cool and uncool in order to form some type of cohesion and sense of belonging. Educate your child enough to help him or her understand that coolness is an inner quality. It has nothing to do with outward ‘haves' or ‘have nots'.
Now if your child has plugged into the idea that displaying affection is no longer cool, I urge you to look at your relationship and at your child's sense of self. If he has a strong self-image, he will be a leader and not try to fit into the crowd or feel he has to do, or not do, certain things to get him accepted.
You're a cool mom! What's not to love? What's not to be proud of? Work on developing a sense of connection and true meaning with your child so that he never (or hardly ever) refuses your affection.
Would your baby refuse a hug? Would your husband? No, both would hug you with open arms (unless maybe of course if they are flaming mad). Children only remain in a childlike immature state if we allow that. If you give children the opportunity to grow and mature at their own rate, you will see them fly!
Teach your children about your family, about their ancestors and long history of overcoming obstacles and hard work. In this way your child will develop of true sense of self and respect from where he or she comes from. This is what forgiving character is all about. All of us must understand the past to find our rightful place in the circle of life.
Once a child feels a true sense of belonging, peer pressure ceases, any desire to join gangs will vanish, kids will have a sense of inner coolness and actively take on a role of leadership rather than being a follower. Hugs from mom and dad, will once again, be cool.
About the Author
Mellisa Dormoy - founder of ShambalaKids® and Teen Relaxation Cds, Unplugged Educators™ Radio Host, Kids' Self Esteem Advocate and Unplugged Parent!
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